A Child All Her Own

I snapped this picture in the early hours one morning, before the sun was all the way up. Before you were really awake. You held your arctic fox and we were entangled, sharing milk for the last time. We had talked about weaning and you decided you weren't quite ready, but I knew you would be soon so I wanted to take a picture every time you nursed in case it was the last.

This particular time was unusual. It was so early in the morning that we'd typically just sleep through. It reminded me very much of when you were a newborn. You'd wake up at night and all you needed was me, and everything was quiet in the whole house. Just us, together, nursing, peaceful. It seemed like we could be the only people up in the entire world, just you and I in that silence.

You were born and you were nursing every hour. Then you became a toddler and you were nursing several times a day and all throughout the night. You grew into a big kid and you nursed before every nap, and before bedtime. When you were hurt, or sad, or lonely. Sharing milk was your home base. 4 years, 3 months, 15 days.

One morning you woke up and proudly declared, "I'm weaned!" And just like that, you decided you were ready to become a child all your own.

We had talked about weaning before this day, and I explained this to you. That when you were growing into a baby in my womb we shared one body. You could feel my heartbeat and I could feel your movement and we were very much a part of each other. Then, when you were born, we were still very much a part of each other, totally entangled. I held you close, slept with you, nursed you day and night. We could not be without the other. As you grew and became independent, we still shared this link between us. An invisible string that kept us together in this world as an inseparable part of each other. We talked about how weaning is a very special occasion, and one day, when you are ready we'll be able to celebrate you going into the world apart from me, as a child all your own. 

That day came and you were so proud of yourself, so confident and ready. It was a very special day, so we went to a very special place. We walked up still as one unit, holding hands. And then you crossed by yourself. Out into the world. Weaned. A child all your own! A very special thing to celebrate.

Pure Contentment

International Babywearing Week!

It's International Babywearing week, and I thought I'd share these great pictures of Bee enjoying her ocean view in a secure back carry to celebrate.

Aside from being an entirely practical parenting tool, babywearing in an ergonomically correct, deep seated and supported from knee to knee position encourages optimal muscle development and body control in your baby. Keeping your baby so close also enables you to meet her needs quickly, which affords your child security in the comfort that she can rely on you and allows her natural need for independence to flourish.

As Bee's sense of independence grows, she is given more opportunities to explore the world around her, but I take great comfort in knowing that baby wearing is providing her the tools to feel secure and confident in doing so.

9 Months of Breastfeeding

Bee has turned nine months old this week. Despite the fact that she has blossomed into a walking, talking, independent being who is rushing into toddlerhood with unparalleled determination not to remain a baby, I have kept the promise I made to her when she was born. The first time I held her, comforted her, nursed her, and watched her sleep in my arms I promised her that I would always remember her the way she was at that very moment, and I always have. It is a complete novelty to me to see her standing up, let alone walking! My sweet, tiny, new baby couldn't possibly be capable of that already, but I digress!

There are so many milestones a baby meets during their first year which are celebrated. Their first smile, first laugh, first word, first tooth, first step. So many firsts. Becoming a mother is also followed by several firsts and important milestones, which are often less celebrated - especially in western culture.  For everything that Bee has become over the last 9 months and all of the firsts she has completed and moved on from, the milestone I am most proud of meeting is our 9 months of breastfeeding.

There is no debate whether or not breastfeeding is the healthiest choice for mothers and babies. After all, it promotes bonding, protects your baby from a variety of illnesses, lowers your baby's risk of dying from SIDs, boosts your baby's immunity, decreases the risk of your baby becoming obese and reduces their risk of childhood cancer - among other things. For the mother, it can help ward off post partum depression, decrease her risk of several cancers - including breast, ovarian, and uterine cancer as well as lower her risk of diabetes. My favorite benefit of breastfeeding, though, is the time you spend skin to skin with your baby. Breastfeeding provides a unique physical closeness and a cocktail of hormones that you simply cannot get while bottle feeding and it's the most incredible feeling that really can't even be described to someone who hasn't breastfed. 

While the benefits of breastfeeding are something that almost everyone is aware of, what isn't talked about so openly is how difficult and challenging and hard it can be. Bee and I have faced so many challenges over the course of our nursing relationship that there was a time when I didn't think we'd even make it to my minimum goal of six months. In the beginning, she had frenulum issues more commonly referred to as a tongue tie. We could not get a correct or deep enough latch, so nursing her was very painful - every time - and she was (is) a very demanding nurser. The first few weeks I cried during each nursing session, it was a horrible feeling knowing that I was doing what was best for her but wondering if it was the best thing for me, and in turn, for our family. Babies need healthy and happy mothers, and I was spiraling further into post partum depression and desperately wanted breastfeeding to work for us. Even so, I dreaded every nursing session. I grew to hate breastfeeding, I felt trapped by it, and I experienced a tremendous amount of guilt for feeling those things.

I met with La Leche League leaders, other mothers, doulas, lactation consultants, and pediatricians. The support I received from them and my husband was so instrumental to our success. I'd tell myself that there were many parts of parenting I might not enjoy, but I had to do what was best, and I'd continue breastfeeding - taking it one day at a time. When Bee was in her sixth month, her father and I made the decision to demand a referral to an ear, nose and throat specialist who could perform a surgery called a frenectomy to clip her tongue tie. Knowing that it would be a short and easy procedure didn't calm our nerves, but we knew that if her latch was not corrected we would not be able to maintain our breastfeeding relationship and she and I would be put at significant risks of everything that comes with weaning, including emotional trauma and an increased risk of illness. 

This photo was taken in recovery after her surgery, it was the first time in almost 7 months that I was able to nurse her without pain - it was absolutely surreal and incredible. I knew in this moment that we wouldn't have to wean and that I could continue breastfeeding bee for as long as she needs. It was an amazing feeling because it meant that our entire struggle was worth it. 

Though it was only a few months ago, those days seem so far in the distant past. Breastfeeding bee is now one of my favorite parts of our relationship. It's an absolute joy and it's now so natural that I sometimes forget it was ever a challenge. There are times when bee is hungry and nurses with such intensity. There are times when bee is playing and walks by to nurse for just a quick moment to reconnect before returning to her work. There are times when she is upset and I take her into my arms and latch her on and she breathes a sigh of relief and her whole body just goes limp with relaxation. There are times when she falls asleep at my breast and smiles in her sleep when she reaches out to touch my skin. It's so much more than nutrition and something I'm so glad that I can provide to her and so glad that we made it through the difficult times to get where we're at now. To every mother who is also struggling with breastfeeding and worried that you won't make it, I think you are amazing. I am proud of you. It will be worth it. 

Six months of infant activities

Introducing the sweetest bee. Born on January 1st, 2012, at 40 weeks and 5 days, weighing 9lbs and 13oz, and measuring in at 21 inches of pure perfection. The inspiration for this blog, and since I am dreadfully late (now that she is almost 7 months old) I suppose an update of the last 6 months of infant activities is in order! Here is a compilation of some of our favorite activities:

Sensory Investigation:

In this photo, at a few weeks old, bee is exploring her very first textures! The pine needles were her favorite, she didn’t want to let go! She got to touch bark, leaves, sticks, pinecones, and pine needles. Every time she felt a different texture she looked up at me and I feel like she was quite fascinated with this new game. It was a fabulous sensory experience for her and lots of fun for me to see her facial expressions and the way she opened and closed her hand on each item as if she was trying to feel every part of it! *Note - she HATES the feel of pinecones.

Exploring new animals:

Bee and I were very lucky to participate in a tour of a local farm. Bee loved the sounds the chickens were making! She listened intently while several very assertive chickens came to greet us. These chickens were much different than bee's dog - it was a very interesting experience for her!

Bath play:

Bee loves dipping her hands in and out of the water running from the faucet. Running water, and any water, really, is a constant source of intrigue and wonder for her. 

Blanket tents: 

Playing under a blanket is a fabulous opportunity for sensory fun for your baby, and a great excuse to sneak in some cuddle time during play for you! I love the look of curiosity in her expression as she comes out from under the blanket to see the change in light and environment. 

Reading:

Bee is so captivated by the illustrated pages in her books, and I love to read them to her while she sits on my lap looking at the pages. Aside from being such a relaxing way to spend an afternoon, reading to your baby promotes listening skills, increases the vocabulary she is exposed to, promotes bonding, and best of all stimulates the imagination! 

Narrated Walkabouts: 

As an avid baby-wearing mama, a common theme that you'll see here is bee being kept close to me. When we go on walks, I wear her in a wrap facing my body so that she is able to turn into me any time she's feeling overwhelmed. She is kept close to me, and kept at my eye level, so she sees everything that I see and experiences the world the same way that an adult would. Try bending down to stroller level and see how vastly different and less interesting everything looks for yourself! When we go on a walk, I make sure to explain to bee exactly what she's seeing. If she shows interest in something we pass, I encourage her to investigate it. I pick up rocks for her, pull branches close, kneel down to touch things, etc. I love the intent look of wonder you can see in these pictures - she is ready to experience and interact with the world around her!

Water play: 

Water is a natural material, and appeals to children of all ages. As they change and grow, children learn new things about water, and new ways to play in it! Water play is a wonderful sensory experience for your baby. She can feel the wetness, hear the splashes, see the droplets and maybe even sneak in a taste!

Nap time:

""When babies sleep with or near their parents, especially mom, they are not being spoiled, they are being made to feel secure and accepted." - Dr. Lendon Smith, MD"

After a stimulating activity there is nothing better than watching this sweet bee relax in my arms. 

Finally, where it all started.